Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
