Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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