why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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