at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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