she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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