turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
