They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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