Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
