I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
