wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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