i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
