NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
