Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
