the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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