Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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