Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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