Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
