I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
