Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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