just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
