I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
