is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
