In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
