Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
