Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
