Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
