Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
