I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
