Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
