id be glad to
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
