so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
