ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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