Me too!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
