he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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