I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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