At least make sure they are 18
Why
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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