I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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