you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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