I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
