the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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