hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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