Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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