He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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