He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
