u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
