Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
