I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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