I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
