i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
