Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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