I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
