don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
