dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
