I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
