so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
