Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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